I can't believe I haven't written anything this semester. Well I can because I've been extremely busy and lazy all at the same time. Meaning...there are some days were all I do is lay in my bed and watch stupid things on my computer and other days where I pull almost all-nighters (woo 2 hours of sleep) to study for a test that I should've been preparing for long ago. So school stuff hasn't changed, I still procrastinate and hate being in class all day in the room without windows but everyonce in a while I do a cool activity with clubs or listen to an interesting speaker that makes me think it will probably be worth all the crap in the end. This was supposed to be the hardest semester and if my grades are any reflection I suppose that is true, but last spring semester was pretty soul-crushing as well. And finals are coming up which really makes me want to crawl under my covers and never come out. But that also means it is almost over-dancing, smiles and laughter on the horizon.
These past few weeks have been rough. Bart got really sick and it has been a while since any of my animals had real problems, I forgot how distracting, disturbing and frustrating it can be. Which is a blessing I suppose that I don't have to deal with it all the time. And then I got really sick, both of which prevented me from visiting a bestie in Denver for Thanksgiving which I had been looking forward to for a reeeaaaally long time. And then yesterday my Dad was bucked off his horse while riding bareback (so his pride isn't hurt- it is near impossible to stay on a horse when they start bucking and you've got nothing to hold on to) and broke his pelvis in 2 spots and had some abdominal bleeding. Which was pretty damn terrifying, my parents are approaching 60, things dont heal as well when you get that old and bad things happen in surgery, anesthesia, etc. Learning medical things has been nice since I now understand more (and can sound smarter) but also a lot scarier since I know more of the risks and how often bad things can happen. On this thankful weekend I am so so grateful that he made it out of surgery ok and is on his way to healing. I am just really sad and sorry I couldn't be there for him, my mom and brother yesterday and for the next few weeks as they try to adjust to this new challenge. It's interesting to me how normally I would rather go visit friends and do lots of other things than be home with them-I'm cutting out of Tucson on winter break a week early to do exactly that-but now, after this stuff, all I want is to be home with them.
Also, Bart stopped pooing again which was one of the inciting causes of his problems before. awesome. My world now revolves around how much he shits.
My life isn't a total shit show, there are plenty of happy/fun things happening around me, right now I just feel like there is a grey cloud in between them and me that is preventing me from enjoying and appreciating them. Hope it lifts soon. Sorry this is depressing after so long an absence. Here is a funny blog post about depression that makes me smile even in my worst mood (though I'm sure most of you have read it before): here
See you on the other side of finals, I'm sure life will be looking up from that perspective.